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STILL LIFE

Football Forever!

The Football World Cup is over and everyone is back to business again. The winners are looking ahead to some big green bucks, while the losers are contemplating about what might have gone wrong. The officials are preparing for the challenges ahead and finding ways to improve football as a whole.

football

Having watched the matches closely from the comfort of my living room on television, I would like to offer my own advice for the benefit of the game for future generations.

These are a few of my observations:
The game of football is getting rougher with every match. This is because there are 22 players running around after just one ball. For the improvement of the game, it is suggested to have lesser players and more balls. If all players get a ball each, they will not have to fight each other over chasing one single ball.

Secondly, the goal post has to be reconsidered. There have been too many missed chances in the tournament. For better results, it is suggested that the goal post should be widened from one corner of the field to the other, with an increase in its height as well. With more goals, instead of tame draws, this will obviously give the paying crowds, something more to crow about.

The game has been completely ruined by the use of Yellow and Red Cards. If not completely eradicated, the players should be allowed to collect an entire set of cards in 12 colours before being sent out of a match. The players would be delighted to display the cards as trophies in their showcases as a show of strength.

The players themselves look a little odd in their football shorts. It is paramount to make men look like men, not boys. Therefore, the idea of making them wear shorts should be discarded and allow them to wear full-length trousers instead. The players will definitely play smarter if they looked smart.

The referee is the most important official on the ground during the course of the match, but ends up looking like a clown dressed in black, running around from post to post. It is suggested that he comes properly dressed in a black suit and has a small car to help him navigate around the field.

The goalkeeper is left defending his goal with nothing but talent and bare hands. For a more definite protection, it is suggested to arm the goalkeeper with everything and anything he might require to prevent frequent attacks from the rival teams.

Finally, all countries hoping to win future World Cups in football should immediately change their country name to Brazil. The word ‘Brazil’ has a certain strength and style when it comes to football and it would go a long way in building up the confidence of the players. If however, winning the World Cup is a long-term plan, they can settle to changing their country name to Germany instead, for the first four years.
Hope the world governing body for football, considers these few suggestions for the good of the game!

— Felix Martires


In advertising not to be different is virtually suicidal.
— Bill Bernbach